27 October 2009

Open Letters: Episode 6

Greetings Gerund,

Performing is such a tough job. I admire how you throw yourself into it. Your acting is truly method. Though you do have a tendency to make those around you possessive.

PP (aka Present Participle)


Dear Dangling Modifier,

Please keep this on the QT. I am secretly envious of you. You're such a carefree spirit, a reckless prince. After causing mayhem, the kingdom awaits your next crazy dance-step.

Yours covertly,


Mr Stress Ball

If I throw you at the window, will my colleague know it's a summons? Or will the window break?

Ms Identity Crisis


This is a public announcement for all in-trays,

It has come to our attention that many of you are overflowing in a most haphazard and unappealing manner. As part of our new management strategy we request that you take some initiative and archive yourself.

Senior Streamliner


Attention i, t, s & apostrophe,

Please stop misbehaving. I understand that you are all extremely close and want to be together on every occasion, but you KNOW that is not always appropriate and you can't be possessive. I'm very sorry apostrophe, but sometimes you just have to let the letters play by themselves.

With stern regards,
Coach Crackdown


Dear Spring Winds,

It's true that you help dry the washing, but you are frazzling our nerves. Also, we have it on good authority that you're planning to disappear for a while before returning disguised as the baking-hot North wind. Please reconsider.

Autumnal Sympathiser


Anonymous said...

Dear Extraterrestrial Bulbous Vegetable,

Your wry, witty, tongue in cheek yet literary posts are wholly appreciated. Much laughter was had. Please continue.

Your long time reader,

Girl who was named after Katharine Hepburn but whose parents can't spell

Jonathan Walker said...

That's all very well, but whither the rhetorical question?