That word you keep using

'How thankful little Phil will be when all this examinating is over.'
'Examinating? I never heard such a word.'
'Well, haven't I as good a right to make a word as any one else?' demanded Phil.
'Words aren't made - they grow,' said Anne.
  -- Anne of the Island, LM Montgomery

Mark Forsyth is a man who knows a lot about how words grow. And a lot of what he knows is delightfully unexpected. His fabulous Inky Fool blog is full of musings about how one word is related to another word is related to another word is related to your cousin by marriage. Seriously, the connections between words are as convoluted and interesting as your family tree, only you don't have to invite any of them round for Christmas lunch.

We are deeply indebted to Mr Forsyth, as he has given us a name for a condition that is a perennial problem in the House of Onion. You know how when you repeat a word too often, or think about it too much, the word dissolves entirely into its component parts and you can't make it mean anything anymore? Well Mr Forsyth knows, and he calls it a lapse of meaning. From his list of other terms we quite like cortical inhibition, mostly because we can imagine a stricken editor reclining on a psychiatrist's couch, talking gibberish, while the psychiatrist writes cortical inhibition on her notepad and underlines it three times.

So, you can imagine how excited we were to learn that Mark Forsyth's wordy goodness now exists in book form! Hurrah for The Etymologicon: A Circular Stroll through the Hidden Connections of the English Language. Hurrah!

Here in the House of Onion we are viewing this as an important Tool of Trade. It will stand with us, shoulder to shoulder with our Brewer's Dictionary of Phrase and Fable and the Macquarie Dictionary, in our ongoing wrestle with the Inigo Dilemma.

And, in very pleasing news: there will be laughing, for Mark Forsyth is funny (and being funny about etymology is not easy). He is also, it seems, something of a dish.* So in that spirit, we share this video even though it is not Christmas.**

* The Macquarie is silent on the etymology of 'dish' used in this manner. Does it just allude to a person looking good enough to eat? When did it come into vogue? Would you ever use it about someone who wasn't British?

** It is, however, Friday and a cocktail would not go astray.

New Year, New Year!

Start spreading the news,

We're talking today

We want to be a part of it - new year, new year

So it seems we didn't quite get all of the singing out of our system in the lead up to Christmas, but everyone loves a song to start off the new year, don't they? Of course they do.

We've had a lovely time swanning about during the Christmas break - eating, drinking, reading and generally being merry, but now it's time to get back into the swing of this whole cake-eating book-making business.

Here's a little news we'd like to spread so you can be a part of it in this fine new year, new year!

1. Babel Clash is hosting a Zombies vs Unicorns event starring Holly Black and Scott Westerfeld. So if you're still yet to pick a Team perhaps Holly can convince you of the awesomeness of a unicorn apocalypse or Scott can persuade you that baying for brains is the ultimate in immortality.

2: Anyone out there keen to write a novel? We're guessing the answer to this is a resounding YES! And you know how we like to please, so, without further ado, we introduce ... the Faber Academy at Allen & Unwin.

Sounds fancy, right? Well it is fancy, it is! The first course, cunningly called 'Writing a Novel' is a hands-on six-month, intensive, practical course of writing exercises, readings and discussions, focussing on the joy of novel writing* with a view to completing a full draft of a novel. The deadline for applications is Friday 28 January, so scurry on over here to get the lowdown on how to apply.

3. Voting is now open for one of our favourite activities - deciding on the Macquarie Dictionary Word of the Year 2010.

We are especially enamoured of the following entries:

self-gift**

blink kissing noun a method of putting a cat at ease by blinking slowly rather than looking at it with a direct gaze, mimicking the behaviour of cats themselves, who stare when being aggressive but blink when not.

charismatic megafauna noun large animals which have an appeal for the general public, as whales, pandas, gorillas, etc

plate up**

4. Spotted in the Mothership - Turtle cake! Excellent work KB, we applaud your cake in all its turtley glory.

Those old year blues, are melting away
We're gonna make a brand new start of it

- in this new year...

* Yes, dear readers, you read that right. Novel-writing is a joy. Novel-writing is a joy. Novel-writing is a joy. (Repeat.)

** We are confident no one actually needs the terms self-gift or plate up defined for them.

Friday stuff and items

1) The real Timothy McSweeney has died - which makes us sad, even though we didn't know he existed.

2) Boy did it rain yesterday in Melbourne.

Photo via The Age

3) We are more than a little bit in love with Michael Morpurgo's writing bed. Perhaps we should look into installing editing beds in the House. It seems highly appropriate. Except, what would we do about cake crumbs?

4) In which David Levithan is funny and talks about Mockingjay, the final book in the Hunger Games trilogy. August is so far away. Want. It. Now. *editor retires to editing bed and rocks gently*

5) Did you know that Braeburn apples are capitalised, but jonathans are not? Golden Delicious is capitalised but pink lady is not. Sundowner is capitalised, but fuji is not. Luckily, Granny Smith is capitalised - otherwise it would really mess with our world order. Thanks for your help on this subject, Macquarie Dictionary online.^

^Did you know you can follow the Macquarie Dictionary on twitter? @MacqDictionary , y'all. Word up!

Open Letters: Episode 6

Greetings Gerund,

Performing is such a tough job. I admire how you throw yourself into it. Your acting is truly method. Though you do have a tendency to make those around you possessive.

Air-kisses,
PP (aka Present Participle)

---------------------------------------

Dear Dangling Modifier,

Please keep this on the QT. I am secretly envious of you. You're such a carefree spirit, a reckless prince. After causing mayhem, the kingdom awaits your next crazy dance-step.

Yours covertly,
HRH

---------------------------------------

Mr Stress Ball

If I throw you at the window, will my colleague know it's a summons? Or will the window break?

Ms Identity Crisis

---------------------------------------

This is a public announcement for all in-trays,

It has come to our attention that many of you are overflowing in a most haphazard and unappealing manner. As part of our new management strategy we request that you take some initiative and archive yourself.

Seriously,
Senior Streamliner

---------------------------------------

Attention i, t, s & apostrophe,

Please stop misbehaving. I understand that you are all extremely close and want to be together on every occasion, but you KNOW that is not always appropriate and you can't be possessive. I'm very sorry apostrophe, but sometimes you just have to let the letters play by themselves.

With stern regards,
Coach Crackdown

---------------------------------------

Dear Spring Winds,

It's true that you help dry the washing, but you are frazzling our nerves. Also, we have it on good authority that you're planning to disappear for a while before returning disguised as the baking-hot North wind. Please reconsider.

Regards,
Autumnal Sympathiser

The spring has sprung, The grass is riz... or is it?

For all of my life - for my whole, entire life up until a week ago - I thought that 'riz' was an adjective that meant something along the lines of 'awesome'. You know, like 'It's springtime and the grass is so totally riz right now.'

Although, to say I thought that is perhaps a bit of an overstatement. I'd never actually stopped to consider it; I'd never defined it to myself. I just sort of felt it. It was the vibe of the thing.

Then, just the other day, I was walking around the back streets of North Fitzroy hoping to find a lemon tree hanging over a fence so I could nick a lemon or two, when it came to me in a blinding white flash. I had an epiphany: Riz actually means 'has risen'. The grass has risen. Oh, it makes such sense. It's in theme. It's a real word (sort of).

And yet, it's also disappointing. I feel robbed that 'riz' is just a comic version of a mildly pedestrian word.

I want MY riz back. But, alas, the magic's gone. It's not as if I ever used riz anywhere else ('You should definitely buy that dress, it's really riz on you.'*), but it was just there in that specific context, being riz. And now it's not.

We've explored words that sound as though they ought to mean something else, and words and phrases that often get mixed up, but have you ever been a little bit heartbroken to discover that a word wasn't what you thought it was? Do you ever intentionally misuse words because you like them better the way you thought they were? In short, have you ever been betrayed by a word?

*Although, with its real meaning, riz in a dress could be rather fetching on a lady with the right kind of legs.

Oh, the possibilities!

Someone came to this blog by searching for wolves chase sleigh.

Isn't there a whole world conjured up in just those three words?

We want to read that story.

Quick, somebody write it.

Friday stuff and items

1) Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are movie has a blog: We Love You So. And it's thoughtful and interesting, and you know - the coolness. 'This place has been established to help shed some light on many of the small influences that have converged to make this massive project a reality.'

2) Every second Monday, Yann Martel sends a book to Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper*, books that he hopes will 'expand' the PM's 'stillness'. Martel's blog, www.whatisstephenharperreading.ca, chronicles the books he has sent thus far and further explains his mission. And the Globe and Mail reports that Harper has finally written back.

By all accounts, the public service would be quite keen for our very own KRudd to expand his stillness a bit. Maybe we should steal Martel's idea, beginning, of course, by sending Special Kev.

3) According to the Global Language Monitor, the millionth word in the English language is 'Web 2.0'. Which, to be frank, is a little disappointing. It's hardly very ephonious, it's not very precise (the whole concept being a little nebulous and hard to pin down), and we question its durability. The Chambers Dictionary, for one, didn't include it in their current edition. The Onions vote to hold out for something better. And we are happy to take suggestions...

* We thinks, if you squint your ears, Stephen Harper sounds a lot like Richard Parker - is it possible that the Canadian Prime Minister is actually a Bengal tiger?

Mrs Malaprop is in the House

Words you don't want to get mixed up:
affluent - effluent
elicit - illicit
eminent - imminent
evade - invade
desert - dessert
deviate - deviant
gorilla - guerrilla
in appropriate - inappropriate

New verb in the House of Onion:
romanise (verb) - Colloquial rom
[usage: Please rom that itals entry to indicate it has progressed from pending to final.]

Suspicious verbs we have encountered recently:
birthday (verb)*
We will birthday that scheduling strategy next week.

Phrases that are almost common, but not quite:
Slow as a wet weak
Towing the line
To wet your appetite
For all intensive purposes
Nip it in the butt**
To dry reach
A hare's breath
One in the same
No if, sands, or buts
Anchors away
One fowl swoop [Unless it is a chicken leaping off its hutch!]***
One foul swoop [not much better]
Slight-of-hand [The sleight-of-hand magicians might also be slight of hand if they are small-boned.]

The moment we stepped foot in the murky waters of misused phrases, we knew there would be much to do about nothing, but we decided to play it by year...

*Thanks to Lili for bringing this one to our attention.
** This is so hilarious we can't look at it without laughing.
***Although, it has to be said, Macduff might be partially to blame for muddying these waters given that in the same breath he calls Macbeth a 'hell-kite' who has done away with all his 'pretty chickens'.

Words that are just about impossible to pronounce properly if you've only ever seen them written, never heard them

• demesne
• gorgeous
• slough
• synecdoche (and even worse synecdochical)
• colonel
• mayor
• clerk
• melancholy
• naive
• hyperbole
• diaspora
• Worcestershire
• Melbourne (apparently... if you are USian. Think Melb'n or, if you must, Melburn.)

Any others?

Another One for the List^ ; or 'You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.'

enervate

'Can I have the origin of the word, please?'

'From the Latin ēnervātus'

'Can I have the word in a sentence, please?'

'The editor was so enervated by the number of manuscripts that needed immediate attention that she lay on the floor for half an hour.'

'Can I have the meaning of the word, please?'
*Editor points to herself then collapses into a chair with her arms dangling to the floor and a vacant expression on her face*


^This list (second half)

Vote early, vote often

Oh words, how we HEART you.
And it's always exciting when new ones are welcomed into the world.

So we are happy happy joy joy that (our favourite dictionary) The Macquarie is open for business on voting for Word of the Year 2008 .

Word of the Year is a relatively new innovation at Macquarie.

The inaugural winner in 2006 was:

muffin top
noun Colloquial the fold of fat around the midriff which, on an overweight woman, spills out over the top of tight-fitting pants or skirts.
(oh dear)

Word of the Year 2007 was:

pod slurping
noun the downloading of large quantities of data to an MP3 player or memory stick from a computer.

And the 2007 The People's Choice Award was:

password fatigue
no definition required. sigh.

This year our favourites include:

flashpacker
noun Colloquial a backpacker who travels in relative luxury.

Wii shoulder
noun painful inflammation of the shoulder caused by excessive playing of virtual computer games involving movement.
(though we wonder if this one is a little behind the times as Onion encounters with Wii shoulder were way back in 2007)

bromance
noun Colloquial a non-sexual but intense friendship between two males.

You only have until midnight 31 January so go forth and vote.

PS: We Onions are very pro all the guerrilla gardening activities we have seen around town.

Mini missive

Dear Words,

We're sorry we had that little quarrel. You know that we could never really leave you, don't you? Here's a small token of our affection.

with love,

Onions

Words that aren't onomatopoeias but sure sound like what they mean:

schmooze

sneer

trudge

hussy

treacle

curlicue

dump

frippery

discombobulated

curmudgeon

corpulent

smooth

blasé

brazen

snap

languid

officious
zest
poltroon
protrude

almost any of you sl- words: slippery, slide, slap, slick, sleazebag, slimy

Words that don't sound anything like what they mean

bucolic

lachrymose
pulchritudinous (until reclaimed by Justine)
pedagogue
missive

dessert (although 'pudding', on the other hand...)

thespian


Any others?

Totally book

We are so hip. It says so right on the front of our office.

Because 'book', don'tcha know, now literally means 'cool'.

In the most widely used predictive-text lexicon, punching in 2665 defaults to 'book' before 'cool' (much as 43 goes to 'he' and not 'if' - jeez that annoys me), and apparently (Thanks for the heads up, LB) legions of txtrs out there are just lettin' it ride.

'Book. I'll see you there.'

'That new guy is so book'

'I can't believe how book it is that there is a long weekend next week.'

Maybe one day I'll get to write a blurb that's just:

This book is book.

Or even better:

2665

The Urban Dictionary - one of my favourite things on the interwebs - has loads of other meanings for book. Including to 'leave in a hurry' or 'run' ('See you guys, I gotta book.' 'I booked it when the cops arrived.'). But my favourite recent UD find is 'book hobo'. Apparently it's a noun (someone who hangs out in bookstores reading but never buying) and a verb (to hang out in bookstores and read but never buy).

'What did you do on Saturday?'

'Oh, I book hoboed at Readings for a while and then wandered down to Brunetti for a latte.'

This is my new favourite word for my long-favourite pastime.