21 September 2010

... would smell as sweat [UPDATED]

Well, after that football on the weekend, we could certainly do with a good chuckle. So we were very pleased indeed to discover an ABC radio segment on 'Wrecked Titles', where listeners are invited to suggest an alternative title for a literary classic by adding or altering a letter.* Herewith a selection from the final shortlist:

The Last Mango in Paris
Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Deaf

The Fridges of Madison County

The Road Less Gravelled

The God of Small Thongs

In this spirit we give you some children's classics:

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stove
Where the Mild Things Are
We're Going on A Pear Hunt
Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bum
Tomorrow When the Car Began
The Day My Mum Went Psycho
Piff the Magic Dragon
I Capture the Cattle
If I Slay**
New Hoon (and its sequel Breaking Down)

And here are some of our very own that we almost signed up, but decided to tweak slightly before actually publishing:

Somebody's Frying Maureen McCarthy's tale of suspense and intrigue in a small country kitchen.
How To Ditch Your Hairy Justine Larbalestier's manual on the depilatory arts.
Guardian of the Mead Karen Healey's paranormal adventure - set in a pub.
Pint Lili Wilkinson's coming-of-age novel about finding out who you really are - set in a pub.
Dean Swoosie Penni Russon and Kate Constable pen a biography of one of our most eminent clergymen
Going Ovine Libba Bray's wacky road-trip novel about Mad Sheep Disease
Pagan's Laughter The final in Catherine Jinks's beloved series - where everything just goes swimmingly for Pagan.
The Waterless Seal The second book in Kate Constable's Chanters of Tremaris series sees Calwyn and her friends travel to the desert to rescue a dehydrated seal who has the gift of chantment.
Mr Chicken Goes to Parts Leigh Hobbs's picture book about a large juicy chicken, not recommended for vegetarians.
Step Up and Lance Thalia Kalkipsakis's Girlfriend Fiction novel about a young girl who joins a jousting squad of professional medieval knights.

Get thee to the comments and read Bakersdaughterwrites's hi-LAR-ious contributions! She be clever.

*Oh look! Cakewrecks seems to be getting into the spirit too.
** Actually, if anyone out there is minded to write this one, we'd quite like to read it with an eye to signing it up...


Anonymous said...

This is so clever! Thanks for a good laugh.

Some other AU inspired-titles you may want to consider publishing in the future:

'Heston's Fantastical Beasts' - recipes for cooking gryphons, unicorns etc. Co-authored by J.K. Rowling.

'Tights out in Wonderland' - a Broadway musical about a modern libertine drinking himself into oblivion. (Free peacock-brains canapes at interval.)

'Fax' - a compelling tale of jealousy and betrayal between a photocopier, stapler - and fax machine.

'The Graveyard Boom' - an unexpected market in real estate opens up.

'Hoppy as Larry' - sequel to 'The People vs Larry Flynt.' Thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, Larry walks (tentatively) again.

'Five Hunds' - German translation. Or you could cheat and change a letter in both words to make 'Fine Hunds' - still good.

'Plaid Truth': a compelling tale of murder and deceit set in the Highlands.

'Still Hissing': A sirring tale of a gaggle of geese who survive the Russian gulags.

'Diary of Laura's Twig' - not recommended. Very wooden prose.

The Alien Onions said...

bakersdaughterwrites: OMG - so awesome we almost can't speak!