1) The Queen has a dog called Gryffindor!
2) We have just taken possession of some very exciting advances.
3) And we have died and gone to heaven, or, to put it anther way, our Faber colleague Jarvis Cocker reads Oliver Jeffers.*
*There is an unconfirmed report that in the late nineties one Onion handmade a T-shirt that said JARVIS across the... well ... the chest area, in large fuzzy letters. But she didn't wear it to the Pulp concert at Festival Hall, because that would have been deeply uncool. If Mr Cocker ever visits our offices as part of being generally AT LARGE, we will scrub this footnote, pretend it never happened and lounge in doorways trying to look sophisticated and largely uninterested.