20 December 2010

Ask a silly question...

We've had a lovely year of pootling around in this space, showing off our cakes, talking about editing, sharing our enthusiasms and hearing some of yours.


But, inevitably, some people come to this blog and go away empty handed.*


We're referring to the people who come here by way of strange and specific Google search strings. We don't like anybody to go away disappointed, so we will strive to answer the questions raised, just in case those dear wandering souls ever come back this way.


What editors do lolcats?
Oh these ones.
Also THESE ones!
We'd like to take this opportunity to farewell Sophie Cunningham from her editorship of Meanjin and tell her and her staff how much we've enjoyed both the journal and Spike this year.



Why does Nick have pencil sharpenings on the floor?
Has Nick been sharpening pencils again?


What font titles in to Kill a Mockingbird film?
You mean these opening credits? We put our intrepid Tall Designer on the case. He's not one hundred per cent sure of the original font. But if you're looking for a close match you could try Grotesque MTStd or maybe Akzidenz-Grotesk. Meanwhile just the credits were enough to have us sobbing quietly.

Write what you know about plastic.
It's not very biodegradable.
It comes in pretty colours.
It's rigid. Or flexible.
It's transparent. Or opaque.
You can keep stuff in it.
It tends to melt on contact with flame.

What Sydney beaches and pool used in Monkey Grip?
Excuse me? EXCUSE me? This is too much to be borne! Melbourne, people. Monkey Grip is as Melbourne as... the MCG, Cup Day, the Vic Markets, the hipsters on Gertrude Street... The famous pool in Monkey Grip is the FITZROY BATHS. In MELBOURNE. I mean, really. Let us never speak of this again.



Why is daylight savings bad?
Because it fades the curtains.


How do I love thee?
We suggest you count the ways and get back to us.


How long do i have to wait to get acl knee reconstruction for public health system?
Well! You're in luck! It just so happens we have an Onion who had an ACL reconstruction and she says...
Oh, wait, wait. You're out of luck. She says that she would prefer not to revisit the dark days of the painful limp-a-thon waiting period between injuring her knee (rupturing her ACL, damaging her medial ligament, crunching cartilage, and fainting in the shower the following morning) and the actual knee surgery. She would prefer instead to recollect the bright post-surgery day that Margo Lanagan made all the pain evaporate.


Onion how much?
How much are you offering?


What is a way you make a alien story interesting and only having three paragraphs?
This gives us an IDEA. You will be hearing more about this IDEA in the NEW YEAR. Stay tuned...


Onion can look face younger?
We are looking forward to a very rejuvenating holiday period. After a good dose of resting, reading, eating, keeping track of this roller-coaster ride they call The Ashes, going to the beach (if it ever stops raining) and general mooching, we expect to look a lot face younger.



*We were tempted to write empty-headed, but that sounded mean.

3 comments:

What Kate did next ... said...

Wishing you all a very Onion Christmas and an Alien New Year!

Jonathan Walker said...

I can imagine a short story composed entirely of a series of Google searches: like an expanded version of Hemingway's 'For Sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.'

The Alien Onions said...

Jonathan - Yes! I thought of that Hemmingway story as soon as i saw the 'How do you make an alien story interesting in only three paragraph?' question. Who needs three paragraphs - three sentences can do it. But a story composed of the searches themselves - even better!

Kate - Same to you! Cheer cheer cheer galore!


-- SC